2025.02.05
People often ask what I’ve been up to… This is what I’m doing right now:
(This is a Now page. If you have your own site, you should make one, too!)
To sum up, the last 35 days, I would say, “Ugh.” For the umpteenth time in my life, I experienced a several-week bout of crippling anxiety that I just couldn’t seem to shake (and believe me, I did shake!). What was bizarre about this most recent encounter with my old friend was the number of physical symptoms that occurred alongside it. I’d wake up to panic, and thanks to the ridiculous amount of wearables I'm currently testing (oura ring, apple watch, polar chest strap, a portable EEG machine… it’s a long story), I’m acutely aware of how much my vitals are out of whack. High respiratory rate, heart rate, and really low heart rate variability. Like my body is constantly in fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode. Then there’s the tightness in my back, the cold fingers and toes, and feeling constantly overwhelmed by simple tasks.
I was worried that the depression I went through a few years ago was beginning to come back with a vengeance, and, to be honest, i’m still a bit on the lookout for similar patterns. But the most telling thing to me was how immediately these symptoms would disappear with just a little meditation (which would not be possible without the decision I made in December to stay still for a bit). Where my fingers were icy cold before, immediately after they’d feel warm. This feeling didn’t last forever, and there’s only so much meditation I can do before committing to monkhood, but it’s been rough.
Then, last week, through an incident at work, I suddenly felt “engaged” out of absolute necessity. I broke several of my own rules about maintaining a strict separation between work and life because of the urgency, but through the chaos of it all, I felt this beautiful, serene clarity. My toes and fingers haven’t been cold since, and while I still feel easily overwhelmed with certain types of tasks, most of the anxiety is not currently with me.
Of course, I’ll be researching the events of the past week to see if there’s something replicable about them that I can incorporate into my life more sustainably, preferably without major global incidents, whenever I need a dose of calm.
Also helping with my calm, and my personal productivity, is that i’m 5 days into a dopamine detox. My rules for this are simple:What it is:
An elimination of instant gratification dopamine wherever possible. Social media, videogames, TV shows/films (with some exceptions)
Deletion or locking of my phone down to critical applications only (which continues to be a learning exercise)
Eating bland food (very bad at this so far)
Investing in “slow-pamine” activities, like exercise, reading, 1:1 conversations, cooking, listening to music (without distraction, and ideally entire records start to finish), learning, effort-filled projects (especially if you enter flow), and hot/cold exposure.
What it is not:
A digital detox.
Next up in the series by Brent Weeks, I've been reading since the last update and am generally off to a slow start to my reading year.
This is Marketing by Seth Godin
Yes, I just finished this in December, but I was so mesmerized by it that I’ve begun listening to it in audiobook now and plan to listen to its follow-up, “This is Strategy,” soon.
Although it masquerades as a book about marketing (which it is), this is actually a book every single person should read. It taught me so much about life, business, strategy, and leadership.
Recently Completed Reads:
Excellent Advice for Living by Kevin Kelly
I really enjoyed this short, punchy, advice-driven book. There’s a lot in it, a lot I disagree with, but I really like Kevin’s approach to thinking and distilling information and left wanting more books like this that can essentially act as daily meditations.
Books On Hold / Next Up:
Meditation for Mortals by Oliver Burkman
If you’ve not read Time Management for Mortals, it is a crucial read for anyone and has nothing to do with productivity. I expect to find similar lessons within this book.
Million Dollar Weekend by Noah Kagan
Waiting for some down time, to really give it the attention it deserves, but funny enough this is item #1 on his list of reasons why people don’t start
Fulfilled: How the Science of Spirituality Can Help You Live a Happier, More Meaningful Life
Recommended to me by a friend, and very excited to learn more, even if on the surface it’s not something I’d typically be into, the first few lines of the book have me hooked.
I had to pause on this because my audible account stopped letting me read books purchased in the US. Will resume on kindle when I’m done with the Black Prism series
Current Exercise Routine:
I’m about 20 weeks into a barbell training program and it’s fair to say that it has reinvigorated my love for the gym. My anxiety over the past few weeks has slowed my progress a bit, but I’m still consistent, the effort is just slightly lighter. Where I had made it up to about 7700kg lifting per session, I’ve dipped down to a casual 5800kg per session.
Current Diet:
I’d describe my diet as “ingredients” right now. Coined by Jaimy, this is where my stomach cannot be trusted so rather than assembling a meal I instead munch on ingredients. Again, I don’t wish to do this longterm, but it’s getting me through the day.
Currently learning:
Passive
Deep into my A2 Dutch lessons. Still don’t feel very far.
Skill-Based
N/A
Side Projects:
Zettelkasten notetaking using Obsidian
Incredibly laborious to get to a place where it can be used simply, but the note taking method mirrors how the brain works. We do not think in a descending hierarchy of folders, so why should our notes be structure this way? Instead, each note can be connected to each other note thematically in order to form a much more integrated system with the intention of putting those notes to use. I currently have 55000 notes in Evernote and am in the process of attempting migration, but loving it so far, despite how much time it’s taking me to setup.
2 years ago I had the notion that I wanted to create a space for my fellow nomads and pseudo-nomads to find community, but couldn’t figure out a way to do it. Then, as I was trying to figure out my tax liability across all the different countries I lived in and visited this past year, I decided to create this web app. It’s primarily a geo-arbitrage tool that looks to help you assess your potential tax liability when living in multiple countries, but I have hopes of eventually adding in a community element to it.
NOTE: I have only just started to build this and it is very much not to a place where I would recommend tinkering, because I’m building this as I learn.
Recent Travel (since the last update):
Istanbul, Turkey (39hr trip)
Belgium
Helped to judge a youth ballet competition with a friend from the Dutch Nationale Ballet
Upcoming Travel:
Berlin, Germany.
Updated 05 February 2025 (for past editions, you can find them here)