My Life and Work Principles

Updated February 2023

Hello, you may know me as Kyle, Otter, or any number of other nicknames I’ve acquired over the years. But I prefer to use the initialism KO in most writing. Feel free to call me KO as well!

Below you will find an abridged version of the inner workings of my brain. I did not create any of the principles here, though I have adapted many of them from their original usage as I’ve implemented them into my own life. Originally this document was created to act as a structured guide for how I worked the way I worked so that new team members would have a reference guide to dissect the way I think rather than wonder why I’m so weird. But, as all good things do, it has evolved.

In this document, I have included work principles that you might find useful, but most of them are actually life principles. As such, think of them in this light, but apply them whenever and wherever you find useful. Additionally, here is my most recent Strength Finder exercise report if you’re a more visual learner.

WHAT THIS IS: An attempt to scrutinize my successes and failures and illustrate how I work and live so that you can take this information and create your own unique career/life/principles. It is an example of the pragmatism I would like you to use when creating a work style that fits your needs. Lastly, this is a reference guide and a self-check-up to consider which principles I regularly adhere to, which ones are new, and which ones no longer apply. I will add notes where appropriate.

WHAT THIS IS NOT: A doctrine to follow to the letter. My requirements of you as a member of my team. A list of ideals to strive toward.

TIME MANAGEMENT

TYPICAL DAILY SCHEDULE:

NOTE: Below, you will see both my schedule before recently taking a leave of absence due to depression, as well as my revised schedule after addressing some imbalances in my life. First, the BEFORE:

  • 9:00-10:30 - Administrative time
    • Use the first 1-1.5hrs to catch up on administrative work. Included in this are meeting recordings from the night before, emails, zendesk tickets, and slack threads. I also update my shows on the Airtable base if I have time. This can also be done weekly, but doing it daily during this time is easy for me and allows me to understand the production landscape of the entire region. Ideally, this time should be uninterrupted by other work.
  • 10:30-12:00 - Unstructured work time.
    • Good for meetings, training, document, tool creation, etc.
  • 12:00-13:00 - Ideally, lunchtime, but this often turns into a working lunch.
    • This can be a really good “heads down” time if you have some heavy analytical work that needs to get done, but I find that lunch is not a good time for creative work for me.
  • 13:00-15:00 - Unstructured work time.
    • Good for meetings, training, document/tool creation, etc.
  • 15:00-17:00 - Personal Time
    • Because we often have meetings with the LA team, this time can be very valuable. For me, Tuesdays and Wednesdays tend to be days when I have meetings until very late. On these days, I take personal time from 15-17:00. On Mon, Thurs, and Fri, I tend to work until 17:00 and then call it a day. Ultimately, it is important for you to apply constraints to your work; otherwise, it will quickly become unmanageable. You make your own schedule, or it will make you.
  • 17:00-19:00 - Team Meetings
    • This is not every day, but they do happen, so it is important to find time for yourself. For me, Tuesday and Wednesday nights tend to be the biggest “offenders,” and I often work until 21:00 on these days. NOTE: In recent months, I have scheduled unmovable conflicts in an effort to get myself to end work at a reasonable time and have seen great success. I will leave this here for the time being until I am confident that this works consistently.

AFTER:

  • 6:45 - Wake, immediately meditate and journal in the 5-Minute Journal
  • 8:00-9:00 - Yoga or a long walk on rest days
    • Currently, hot yoga
  • 9:45-10:30 - Administrative time
    • Condensed from its original time, I’ve found that beginning my day with yoga is more beneficial to my mood and the flow of my day at a slight expense to my catch-up time than the minor psychic benefit of starting the day with a clean empty inbox. This has taken a bit of acceptance to be alright with.
  • 10:30-12:00 - Deep Work Time
    • No change from previous iterations, except that during this time heads down work takes priority
  • 12:00-13:00 - Lunch, away from my computer
  • 13:00-13:15 - E-mail Catch-Up
    • I add a shorter second period for e-mail catchup and do not spend any additional time on them throughout the day unless deep work is not required.
  • 13:15-17:00 - Deep Work Time
  • 17:00 - Work Ends
    • There are a few exceptions to this hard cutoff, but thus far, I have maintained this rigidity and found it very healthy.

WEEKLY RITUALS:

  • No Meeting Fridays.
    • This day has become extremely precious to me and is the single most valuable day of my week. I use this for creative projects, document creation, and occasional walks through the park when the weather is particularly excellent. Please consider these “Deep Work” days, and be prepared for me to auto-decline meetings during these days.
  • Reach out to internal/external Partners
    • It can just be a friendly hello, but doing these every 1 - 2 weeks is vital for my relationships and is the best way for me to keep up with what is happening in the business.
  • Ideally, I complete my expenses at the end of each week. I do not always succeed. Fridays tend to be great days for this because they are usually quieter.

COMMUNICATION STYLE & PRINCIPLES

  • I am very careful and methodical with how I plan my time (it is our only genuinely nonrenewable resource, after all) and typically only like to complete a task a single time, including reading and replying to emails. If you send me an email, I will try to answer any questions a single time rather than engage in a back-and-forth.
    • For this reason, I sometimes become frustrated when I hear the same questions brought up consistently. I am constantly working on this, but it is also a part of who I am.
    • I will always try to respect you and not waste any of your time.
  • I believe meetings should accomplish 1 of 3 things and, with few exceptions, should be non-recurring and time-constrained (meaning no or minimal recurring update meetings):
    • Discuss something particular
    • Teach something particular
    • Finish something particular
  • I am a slow information processor and will not always have a comprehensive reply during in-person meetings. Because of this, I will often write down my thoughts later to share.
    • There are exceptions to this, which I’m still trying to define. Workshop or brainstorming meetings tend to let me process much faster than overly technical or discussion-type meetings, for example.
  • I often get hung up on word choice and linguistic curiosities in certain situations (specifically over email or chat and in memos), which will cause me to hyperfocus and dive down a rabbit hole.
    • As a strange example, I would much rather someone outright ask me to do something or tell me something they need than use passive language where meaning is more challenging for me to understand. “It would have been great if…” is different from “Would you please…”.
  • Because I sometimes assume that other people also live by the “one and done” mantra mentioned at the beginning of this section, you may occasionally be annoyed by my self-reliance or how quickly I act on things discussed. I mean by this that I will often ask for something once, and if it’s not accomplished within what I have subconsciously determined is a reasonable amount of time for the task, I will seek to complete it myself. This is not always done intentionally, and I may not always be aware of it.
    • I am working on this. If you have any examples of these situations, please share them with me so that I can become more present about them.
  • I have very few real requirements of my team, except that they set honest expectations (about their time and abilities, mostly) and attempt to live up to them themselves. We all miss deadlines and can be overburdened at times. Still, it’s important to try to be conscious of this and vocal about our abilities so that we can shuffle the responsibilities evenly among the team. It is difficult sometimes to know when you’ve had too much, I definitely understand, but the rest of the team and I are here to help.
    • Please tell me when I’m giving you too much work, and please be honest when you’ve taken on too much yourself.
  • I will assume you mean well. Please try to do the same with me, because I almost always do.

EMAIL PRINCIPLES

  • Only Deal With Once
    • Because I read every single email, which is time costly, I have established a mentality toward email where I prefer to only “deal” with an email a single time. I believe there is no “later” when it comes to email. It never stops. Therefore, I try to reply with all of the information I have or to make plans immediately rather than participating in infinite email threads. Here is a workflow that I found that accurately represents my methodology.

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  • Filter, Filter, Filter
    • I have an ever-increasing number of filters that allow me to remove the static from my day. If you need help with this, I am happy to help. I love helping here.
  • Set Up Email Effectively
    • As of 20 October 2021, I have been setting up my inbox using the method outlined in this video. It is a game-changer, especially helping me to build a habit of using hotkeys. I utilize the Multiple Inbox in GMail, and separate into these sections:
      • Action Items: Items that require my action or attention.
      • Calendar: Items that require me to schedule something.
      • Action Items - Personal: Non-Work-Related items that require my attention.
      • Awaiting Reply: Items that I am awaiting a reply for. I make it a weekly practice to check in on these items.
  • ARCHIVE. Your archive is infinitely searchable, so only keep the things that require your immediate attention in your inbox. There is a tendency to want to keep everything accessible by leaving it in your inbox, but this has the opposite effect. Instead, it makes everything harder to find by increasing the amount of noise you have to sift through.

DOCUMENTATION PRINCIPLES

  • It is probably very telling that I’ve included topics like “Email” and “Documentation” before much larger and grandiose topics such as “Leadership,” and that is because I believe these sections contain meta-philosophies that can be thematic in other areas of your life. E-mail cleanliness and ritual can lend themselves well to time management or to habit formation. Similarly, documentation principles can help you simplify your thought process by aligning beforehand on decisions now so that you never have to make them again, saving time and also mental clarity.
    • Make a Template
      • I utilize Google Docs for all documentation purposes, primarily because it allows me to specify my “styles” once and then import them into other docs later or retroactively update them if I’ve decided to make a change. I begin first by creating a template and then saving the styles for each type of text (Heading, Subtitle, Normal Text, etc.) as my Default Styles. This template follows these rules:
        • Margins: Web Standard (.5in on all sides), not Print Standard
          • NOTE: If the document is of a legal nature, leave it with the Print Standard, as there are many rigid requirements to legal documents that might invalidate them if formatted incorrectly.
        • Maximum of three colors per document
          • Yes, shades of the same color are alright for charts and graphs, but the tone should be the same.
          • To those who say this is a bit obsessive… yes, but if you think of a document as a piece of art, which it can be, then color conveys just as much of a message as the written word and can provide a condensed flow through the document. Whether you pick up on it or not, your mind quickly recognizes good or bad formatting.
        • Maximum of three fonts per page. Title/Heading, Subtitle, and Normal Text
          • This might sound limiting, but it forces you into the mindset of thinking structurally about what the words you are writing are attempting to do.
        • One Font Size. Period.
          • My personal preference is for sized 11 font because 12 feels too large, and ten seems like it might be tough for other people. It is a nice in-between.
          • The only reason, in my belief, to have a font of a larger size is that you aren’t confident about the contents of the document and are trying to puff up to make it look denser or are just doing what you were taught in school. The simplicity of single font size and the flow that it allows far outweigh any negatives that I’ve come across. Imagine the feeling of being able to CMD+A and select a single size. How good would that feel?
        • A different header on the first page and no header on subsequent pages.
          • This one is purely for flow because having no header on subsequent pages allows you to flow continuously through the document. This will aid with retention and generally lend itself to better audience engagement.
          • Page titles are alright in the Footer at the bottom right (for Latin-based documents)
        • One-page-long documents by default
          • This is one of those meta-skills I was referring to before. By mentally preparing yourself to create a doc limited to one page, your brain goes through some mental gymnastics trying to fast-track its understanding of a topic in order to “distill” the information onto the document. The added benefit is that you become proficient at the topic much faster, and it also forces you to communicate complexities much more simply.
          • There are exceptions, of course. Process documents can sometimes be longer, but in those cases, there is growing evidence suggesting that granular instructions are far less effective than more bullet-pointed instructions that require a small logical leap to continue. As a true exception, documents about philosophy can be forgiven for taking a bit to get to their point…

LEADERSHIP STYLE & PRINCIPLES

  • First, I don’t really believe that there is a singular thing called “Leadership.” Instead, I think many people lump multiple meta-skills into a bucket called “Leadership” because it is difficult to distill leadership qualities. Some of the skills I find important are the following:
    • People Management, Governance, and Stakeholder Management
      • Leadership is often synonymous with people management, but most of the people I consider “good leaders” do not have any direct reports. Instead, they manage their peers well, or they manage their stakeholders and customers well. Customer Service, Governance, and People Management are meta-skills that will translate well into the bucket of “leadership.”
      • I believe that each of you is a leader, even if you don’t manage people. Leadership is simply your ability to motivate a group of people toward a common objective, and can be done in every place of the business. Therefore, I aim to hire leaders (look for my hiring principles below).
      • If I were your manager, I would likely never tell you exactly how to do your job. Instead, I will attempt to share examples of how I work, as well as some best practices, and will coach you in creating your own workflow.
      • I tend to check in with the team periodically. I am more concerned with your well-being than with the exact execution of your responsibilities because I believe that a healthy teammate is the best kind of teammate.
    • Team Building
      • Largely self-explanatory, but a surprising number of candidates I’ve interviewed for leadership roles seem to neglect the important piece of how to build great teams functionally. I believe that team building is everyone’s responsibility and that leaders are only there to provide course correction and encouragement in how individuals collaborate. When I use “OTOD” or One Team One Dream, I mean it as an important mantra that I truly believe in. A solid team can each act as force multipliers for each other, even in functions that wouldn’t seem to have anything in common.
      • “Off-sites” or individual events are dental checkups and should be done periodically, but team building is something we should be doing daily.
      • I’m always looking for new fun ways to build a better team, so if you have thoughts or philosophies that you believe in, I would love to hear them.
    • Project Management
      • This is important because you will invariably manage projects at every level of your career, but knowing the basics of project management also helps you teach this skill and to recognize when it is not being properly implemented.
    • Planning and Organization
      • Another meta-skill, the ability to plan ahead and organize your working life, will act as force multipliers for anything you do. Creating thorough documentation ahead of time will save you from needing to remember each step later and will free up an untold amount of brainpower that you can use elsewhere.
      • 20% Failure Rate
        • There is a system’s planning concept that recommends planning for 8-10% of whatever you build to be broken at any given time. I think this is too low for planning purposes (but realistic for practical purposes), so I seek to create systems that will still work well within a 20% failure rate. If you have a team of 5, it should be perfectly reasonable for that team to function indefinitely with one member gone at all times. If you build 100 products, you should plan for 20 of them to break.
    • Finance Management
      • Above a certain level, conversations happen regarding headcount planning and money. Therefore, it is important to be able to speak confidently about the financial impacts of your decisions.
    • Communication
      • There are certainly leaders who are not great at communication, but communication makes being a great leader much easier. Learning more about how to effectively convey ideas and how to empathize with your audience also makes you a better person, in my opinion.
      • All leaders must, at several points, have difficult conversations. It is best to be prepared for them.
    • Organizational Theory
      • Most leaders that I know are not great organizational thinkers. There is a tendency to rely on small, memorable bits of guidance regarding organizational leadership to cover up for lack of theoretical knowledge. Which is mostly enough to get by. Therefore, understanding concepts like Spans of Control, Group Behavior, and Game Theory will set you apart and also help you think much more clearly.

WORK EXPENSES PRINCIPLES

  • My general rule of thumb is that any purchase I make should, in some way, benefit the company. If I have a long flight and will be going straight to work upon arrival, this is a great use case for traveling in Business Class. If I’m flying a day or two early, I consider flying economy instead. Does it benefit the company? If yes, It’s probably a good purchase. Does it only benefit me? Think about it. Does it benefit both? This is a win-win. And if you have any questions, we can talk about them. I love to hear opinions on this. Entertainment is the same mentality. Occasional team dinners are a yes, but partying every weekend on the company’s dime? Not cool.
    • Given the nature of Freedom & Responsibility, I operate under the assumption that no one will ever come after me about my expenses... until they do. Considering that I may someday have to defend/justify my expenses, I have taken on the habit of writing down my rationale whenever I make a purchase that may be considered questionable when taken out of context. I simply ask myself, “In three months will this look reckless?” If the answer is yes, I add my reasoning to my doc. This does two things:
      • It makes me more thoughtful about how I spend the company’s money. Using this method has also helped talk me out of situations that seemed like good ideas until I wrote them out and realized my logic was not sound.
      • It allows me peace of mind. If I’m ever questioned about a “questionable expense,” I can refer to my google doc (titled KO’s Questionable Expenses) rather than my imperfect memory to see exactly how I came to the decision to make a given purchase.

WORK TRAVEL PRINCIPLES

  • Related to my expense principles, travel is becoming increasingly structured at Netflix, with possible travel budgets on the way. Whenever I am considering a work trip, it must meet the following criteria:
    • It must have a good, specific and singular purpose that benefits the team or is business-critical.
      • This is different, depending on your role, but for support roles this can be something like providing coverage during a colleague’s leave (also ask if this could be accomplished by a vendor, someone local in a different role, or fully remotely as well). For people managers, checking on your team is also an important task, but as an IC things like “meeting the team” or other more holistic topics should ideally be a byproduct of a specific visit, or left to more organized events like offsites.
    • It should be documentable. Meaning that if you are asked to provide a document outlining the purpose of your trip, it is simple to understand. As your manager, I should be able to ask what your purpose was, what you were able to accomplish, and a summary of any learnings you made.

WORK HIRING PRINCIPLES

  • When hiring new team members, I look at the following criteria:
    • VALUES - These are deep-seated beliefs that motivate behaviors and determine interdepartmental compatibilities. Among the most important are the following:
      • Character
      • Common Sense
      • Creativity
      • Practical Idealism
        • The difference between impractical and practical idealism is an important one. And pessimists should largely be avoided because while their contrarian opinion is a good one to have, their thought process tends to break the momentum and will ultimately damage the entire team. Instead, hire empathetic Practical Idealists who are capable of thinking critically but whose baseline skews toward the positive.
    • ABILITIES - These are ways of thinking and behaving. Some people are great learners and fast processors, while others are slow processors and possess the ability to see things at a higher level. Some focus on granular detail, while others think creatively or logically.
    • SKILLS - These are learned tools, such as foreign languages, software, etc., and are less important. I consider these perks but largely unnecessary.
  • Interview panels should be chosen systematically and strategically. People tend to pick people like themselves. If you want a visionary, pick a visionary for the interview panel. If you want a detail-oriented person, pick a detail-oriented person.
  • Look at the team holistically and see what values, abilities, and perspectives it could use. Avoid hiring an archetype. There is no perfect person, but you can create a pretty perfect team with the right mix of people.
    • NOTE: This last point does not apply to roles where a specific knowledge base is required, such as Site Support or Studio Finance Specialists.

CUSTOMER SUPPORT PRINCIPLES

  • Generally, we are the team that says “Yes” to everything. This is not always the best or most scalable approach. Sometimes we need to say, “not right now.” The reason for this is that we see it as highly beneficial to the team and the business to keep informed and to help where we can, but we cannot help everyone, everywhere at once. Therefor, we should approach new work pragmatically.
    • If you say yes, be quick to fail. There always comes a point when it’s time to stop trying to fix an issue and it becomes time to find the appropriate escalation pathway. Take the learning, and pass it off to the correct partner, or draft a memo about why it can’t be accomplished given the current timeline and resources available.
    • Sometimes having the ball drop is the best thing for the situation, because a glaring failure yields quick results. By helping a lot we are often relied upon when the best solution might be for our partners to improve. This is difficult to do, but important.
    • Sometimes providing joy means teaching others to be self-reliant. More service is not always better service.
    • Beware the Sunk Cost Bias, by which our brains have difficulty letting go of things with which we have invested time, money, or energy.
      • Bonus: Check out this list of Cognitive Biases that affect our decision-making.
  • When approaching the Zendesk Queue, it’s important to apply the following rules:
    • Urgent Tickets First, Always (can be found in the filter on the left side, at the top)
    • Sort by “Updated” and target the least recent New or Open tickets.
      • These have been sitting in the queue unanswered for the longest and should be taken care of as soon as possible.
    • Target the least recent Pending tickets
      • A good rule of thumb is that if a ticket has been in a pending state for five days, follow up. If it has been five days since your last follow-up, Solve the ticket.
    • Remember the “Apps” tab to the right.

LIFE PRINCIPLES THAT I (TRY TO) FOLLOW

  • Parkinson’s Law
    • “Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.”
    • By applying artificial constraints within your day, you will be more productive than your fellow teammates. I do this by segmenting my day (Admin time, etc.), but I highly encourage you to apply several constraints to your time. Better work is actually less work, contrary to popular belief (see below).
  • Pareto Principle:
    • “80% of the value comes from 20% of the work.”
    • You can view this in multiple ways, and I encourage you to apply it liberally. Focusing on the most effective 20% will free you from the fight for perfection and make you more effective, overall.
    • I also sometimes refer to this as the Minimum Effective Dose (MED).
  • Thematic Learning:
    • As you teach something, and doubly so when you learn, you should strive to find how any given piece of information is transferable. When we’re in school we are often bombarded with information with the intent that we will learn by rote memorization. This is not effective. Thematic learning encourages students (and teachers) to make logical leaps to solve problems that are not directly related. This small amount of extra effort will allow you to absorb the principle of the learning instead of just the facts of the learning.
  • Shoshin or “The ever-smaller surfboard.”
    • Related to the principle above, professional surfer Laird Hamilton would regularly lament that he didn’t feel challenged in his sport. One day he went out only to find that he had brought his wife’s board with him instead of his own. It was far too small and proved incredibly difficult… but invigorating… This became a baseline principle of his that he now uses in every facet of his life. Similar to the artificial constraints, specifically making tasks more difficult for yourself will ultimately force you to become much more effective. Laird had to surf with surgical precision to avoid crashing, you will need to be on top of your game to avoid making yourself miserable. The idea here is that you never absorb more information than when you’re just starting out. In life, at work, etc. By forcing yourself into the beginner mentality, you will learn more, become better, and kick butt.
    • Examples:
      • Try a new keyboard. QWERTZ, AZERTY or Dvorak instead of QWERTY
      • If learning to code, suddenly switch languages. You will be immediately aware of the differences, cementing knowledge of your original language.
      • NOTE: For more on Thematic Learning and Shoshin, check out The Art of Learning by Josh Waitzkin
  • Explain Like I’m Five (ELI5)
    • Complementary to the previous two philosophies, by constantly seeking a simpler explanation you will become more knowledgeable and more understandable to others. Knowledge comes from understanding, and few things build that more than distillation of a subject. A simple tweak would be to slow down and explain it to one of the following:
      • A grandparent
        • Often have wisdom and can think thematically, but will have trouble with things like jargon.
      • A child
        • Often have short attention spans, which will force you to speak more effectively and will improve your showmanship.
      • Someone with vision or hearing impairment
        • Both have value. Explaining to a visually-impaired person will force you to hone your words. Explaining to someone who is hard of hearing will force you to explain visually and also enunciate and slow down. Both are invaluable.
      • I highly recommend you reach out to an expert in any topic you’re interested in and ask them to distil their expertise down to its basest parts. This will prove beneficial to you both.
      • Note: An excellent book on communication is Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Listen to the audiobook for inflection.
  • Hedonic Adaptation
    • Suppose you see a beautiful sunrise today. It’s amazing. Nothing could be better. The next day you see a sunrise, but you also have a really nice latte. AMAZING. Best sunrise ever. The third day you add a really flaky, buttery croissant to the mix and wow. Blown away… But day four, you don’t have the croissant. You don’t have the latte… You just have the sunrise. Nothing has changed about the sunrise. It’s just as beautiful, possibly even more beautiful… But you’re focused on what’s missing. Somehow the sunrise seems less. Because of this natural tendency, I am on the lookout for it in my everyday life, if only so I’m aware of where it exists, but ideally, I use this awareness to consciously appreciate the little luxuries I’m now accustomed to having. Enjoy your latte, but appreciate the beauty of the sunrise.
  • Meditation/Prayer effects on Theta Waves
    • No, I am not trying to get you to join a new, fancy religion. Instead I am imparting on you the value of awareness in your everyday life. In 2008 I participated in a study at my University (Colorado University of Boulder) that intended to compare the brainwaves of habitual meditators, habitual prayers, and people who do neither. The results of the study were fascinating to me. Both meditators and prayers saw an increase in brain activation, but in slightly different regions. Prayers saw elevated Alpha and Theta waves, which are also seen as a result of things like massage, relaxation meditation and relaxation aided by white noise. Loving Kindness/Mindfulness meditators saw increases in Delta and Theta waves. This is likely because they rely on an “active awareness”, which is work. But the fascinating part for me came when we compared the brainwaves of all three groups at rest. We were placed in a sensory deprivation chamber and asked to just relax. Both Prayers and Meditators entered a deep rest state within a few short minutes, whereas non-prayer/meditators took upwards of 40min to 1 hr. Some never entered this state. Because of this and many other reasons, I have incorporated meditation into my daily life as regularly as possible. The minimum effective dose of meditation is around 15min/day, however 5min per day for 20 days is infinitely more valuable than a single 60min meditation. Take it slow and add a single minute every week until have built the habit, which leads me to…
  • The Power of Habit / Atomic Habits
    • These are both truly life-changing books, primarily because they lay out how to begin, or change a habit in the simplest way I have ever read. They introduce a principle called Habit Stacking, which is an incredibly powerful way to build a habit. Essentially, choose a habit you would like to have (meditation, for example) and anchor it to an existing habit. For me an example would be to meditate before I brush my teeth in the morning. You’re using the success of something that’s automatic to aid in the creation of something that is difficult. Start small. Start at the atomic level
  • A “Yes or No” is a No
    • Early in my life, a mentor of mine would say to me, “Never ask a Yes or No question unless you’re looking for a No”. I ignored him for a lot of my life, until one day I listened to a lecture on open vs closed questions and how they affect the brain. The short of it is that Binary (yes or no) questions require almost no brain power. Meaning the responses were nearly automatic. Worse, 80% of the responses were “No”. In the study they asked a simple favor (Can I have a dollar?) in two different forms. “Can I have a dollar?” (binary), and “What would you say to giving me a dollar?” (open). The questions were attempting to accomplish the same goal, but the more open-ended question led to a near-opposite reaction from the participants. Instead of 80% negative answers, they received 82% positive answers.
  • Seek Discomfort in the Form of Rejection
    • As social animals, we fear rejection. Prior to the Neolithic phase in human history, and even well into the 21st century, social rejection could very well mean death. If you were rejected by a mate, your genes would die off. If you were rejected by a community, you were shunned or even killed. But these days the fear is largely over-reactive and does not benefit us as much. There are still very real reasons why social proof is necessary in today’s society, but being afraid to ask a stranger for directions? That’s irrational. By desensitizing yourself to harmless rejection, you will become more confident and happier.
      • There are two excellent resources to accomplish this. The first is the book Rejection Proof by Jia Jiang, which chronicles his attempts to get rejected for 100 days straight, becoming famous in the process. The second is the app Dare Me, which provides daily challenges to get you out of your comfort zone and into the real world.
  • Decision Dice
    • You may all be aware of these by now. They might more effectively be called Perspective Dice because they encourage you to think from the perspective of another person. They are incredibly useful tools for gathering differing opinions within a closed environment. They also have the added benefit of making you more empathetic to those who you would otherwise loathe. I have two pair, but these days the dice have become a part of my internal problem-solving.
  • The One Minute Rule
    • Popularized by Leo Babauta from the website zenhabits.net, this is an extremely simple productivity tip that seeks to ease the burden of an endless To-Do list by suggesting that you approach the smallest things first. This is actually the opposite of how I normally like to operate, but I have found that I personally find it difficult to fully immerse myself in Deep Work when I have a long list of minutiae looming over me. So, using the One Minute Rule, you simply never put off any task that will take you less than one minute. At first, you will likely feel overburdened as you work through a seemingly endless stream of 1-minutes tasks, but soon you will find you have run out. At this point, increase it to tasks that take 5 minutes or less. Then 10. After 1-3 days you will find that having taken care of the quickest tasks first, you will have much more time for the most important work.
  • Deliberate Spontaneity AKA Luck
    • There is not a person that knows me who would not say that I have an abnormal amount of luck. There are definite elements at play here, such as me being a tall, blond, blue-eyed straight male (this helps a lot), or generally being a nice person whenever you possibly can, or studying body language to ensure that you are perceived as more open, but there are many other examples that are much more difficult to explain. A few things are at work here. First, much of what we consider “luck” is actually a psychological construct, meaning that your perception of the relative luck of a situation has a slight determination on its outcome. People who believe they are lucky tend to ignore negative things more readily and focus on the “lucky” things. Further to this, your belief about your own luckiness literally changes the way you see the world. There have been several studies comparing the completion speed of a series of tasks between self-viewing lucky and unlucky subjects and in each of the studies, the people who thought of themselves as lucky completed the tasks quicker. But in addition to those, I practice a technique that has been described to me as “Deliberate Spontaneity”. Put simply, this is the patient art of positioning yourself so you can take advantage of opportunities. Sounds simple. Sounds opportunistic. And, to be fair, it is, but where active opportunism requires always being on the lookout for opportunities, Deliberate Spontaneity just requires you to be ready when an opportunity appears. I move to Amsterdam without ever having been here. I had never really even known much about the Netherlands, or the Dutch, or even what the food was like. But the opportunity appeared and I said, Sounds good, let’s move to Europe in 2 weeks. This will not cure cancer, or instantly make you lucky, but it will help you see opportunities when they appear and be better prepared to take them.

CLOSING THOUGHTS:

  • By now you may see a theme in the principles I try to live by. For one, they are all connected and stackable. Each one benefits from each other. At the same time they are all tools that help me to do one simple thing: Pay attention. Try them out, if you are interested, and please feel free to comment if anything is confusing, counterintuitive, or you would just like to discuss more.